Advice

Phone Sex 101: Your No-Fail Beginner’s Guide

Spice up your sex life with sexy, steamy, and seductive phone sex!
Woman with red lipstick holding a red phone up to her faceGetty

Phone sex can be a great way to add some spice into your relationship, whether or not you’re in a long distance relationship. But most people are too awkward to initiate it, especially for the first time. If you’re interested in adding phone sex to your sexual repertoire, then this is the guide for you. Here’s how to have better phone sex with your partner.

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What Is Phone Sex?

Phone sex is any sexually explicit conversation that happens between two (or more) people over the phone. Because the goal of most phone sex is sexual arousal/gratification, one or more parties may masturbate during the conversation.

Phone sex can come in many forms, such as roleplay, narration of a sexual experience, guided instructions, and discussions about sexual fantasies. 

Woman on phone in front of blue background
(Credit: Getty)

Do People Actually Have Phone Sex?

With camming, sexting, Snapchat, and nude pics being the common sexual language today, phone sex might seem like a relic of the past. Phone sex can make you feel very self-conscious, so a lot of people choose less vulnerable ways of dirty talking, like through text.

Phone sex in its original form is admittedly dying out. But its spirit remains alive through sexting and through more visual forms, like video chats, FaceTime, and Skype. 

How Phone Sex Can Improve Your Sex Life

Considering how weird phone sex can feel, is it actually beneficial to your sex life? Experts agree that yes, having phone sex can actually make your sex life better.

First, having phone sex helps you articulate your sexual fantasies and what you like in bed, which significantly improves your partner’s ability to pleasure you (and vice versa). Second, phone sex might be the only way for couples in long-distance relationships to feel intimate. Last, if you and your partner have fallen into a sexual routine, phone sex can help break the monotony and keep your sex life from feeling boring.

Woman kissing laptop while a man in another room smiles
(Credit: Getty)

Phone Sex Etiquette: Do’s And Don’t’s

DO: Talk About It First

We know that talking about wanting to have phone sex might not sound super sexy, but it’s important to communicate what you want (and don’t want) before you start. Open the discussion with your partner, set some boundaries, and talk to each other about what kind of phone sex would turn you on the most.

DON’T: Surprise Them Without A Prior Discussion

A surprise sexy call is great in the right context, but most of the time, it’s just bad timing. Your husband, wife, or SO might not find it cute if you try to initiate phone sex in the middle of the workday. Instead, set aside a specific time for it, so that everyone is comfortable and ready. 

DO: Take Your Time

Just like with sex in person, don’t rush phone sex. Foreplay, teasing, and tension are crucial elements to any good phone sex conversation. Build up slowly to the climax, and you’ll both enjoy much more.

DON’T: Treat It Like A Joke

We understand that you might feel awkward having phone sex for the first time or with a new partner, and humour is a great way to diffuse tension. But with phone sex, save your jokes for another time. Treat your partner with respect and take it seriously, otherwise your partner might feel like you’re laughing at them instead of with them.

DO: Be Open And Accepting

Phone sex is a great way to explore sexual fantasies that you aren’t comfortable exploring in real life just yet. Be open to what your partner might bring to the table. You never know, these exciting experiences might spark something new in you!

DON’T: Feel Like You Need To Do Something You Don’t Want To Do

While you should be open and non-judgmental, that doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t important. If you have boundaries – say, certain words or sexual acts are off-limits – then your partner must respect that. Phone sex is sex, and consent is always non-negotiable in sex.

What To Say: Phone Sex Examples

Woman with red lipstick holding a red phone up to her face
(Credit: Getty)

When you have phone sex with your partner, the last thing you’d want to hear are canned responses and generic dirty talk. But it’s also hard for most people to think of sexy and seductive things to say in the heat of the moment. If you get stuck, you can use the following questions, statements, and suggestions to move the dirty talk along.

  • What are you wearing?
  • What do you want to do to me?
  • I can’t wait to get home and ravage you.
  • I’m super hard/wet/horny for you.
  • You’re a naughty, dirty girl/boy.
  • I want to rip your clothes off.
  • Keep going, don’t stop.

You can also describe what you’re doing to yourself at the moment or make sex noises – just make sure you respond!

Paying For Phone Sex

You don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend to participate in phone sex. In fact, phone sex operators are much more common than you think. There are many phone sex operators out there that offer tailored experiences based on your sexual fantasies – for a price, of course. Phone sex operators usually charge a per-minute fee for their services.

Paying for a phone sex operator can be a less awkward way to get your sexual fix and a great way to practice your skills. But if you’re in a relationship, make sure you clear it with your partner first. Even though there’s no physical contact, phone sex can be very intimate, and your SO could still feel betrayed.

Conclusion

Whether you’re in a long distance relationship or just looking to spice things up; phone sex can bring you and your partner closer together in a fun and easy way. Dirty talking helps you explore your sexual fantasies and get each other off, without even having to be in the same room.

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