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Admit it, the idea of having a threesome has probably crossed your mind at least once. But beyond the fantasy of having sex with two other people at the same time, the logistics of putting together and having a threesome can be overwhelming, especially if you’ve never had one before.
So the question remains: how do you have a threesome? Theoretically, it should be pretty simple – simply find two other people who are down to get down. Realistically, however, it gets a little bit more complicated than that.
Today, we’re going to answer some hard-hitting questions about threesome sex; what is a threesome, how to have a threesome, and important tips for first-timers.
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What Is A Threesome?
Just as the name implies, threesomes are sexual activities that involve three people. Threesomes may also be called 3somes, three ways, throuples (in the case of dating and relationships), and menage a trois.
There are many different “threesome configurations” such as MMM (three men), FFF (three women), MFM (two men and one woman), and FFM (two women and one man).
How Do You Organise A Threesome?
Ask anyone who’s ever had a threesome, organising one is perhaps the hardest part of the whole thing! Imagine having to find the right person, organise three schedules, figuring out where to do it, and (of course) actually doing it.
Organising a threesome is a lot of work, so here’s a breakdown of the process to help you out as well as a few tips you should keep in mind.
Step #1: Decide Who Is Going To Be In It
Chemistry is important when you’re a couple, but it’s even more important with three people in the mix. Inviting the right people is the most important part of having a good time.
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, agree beforehand what kind of person you want to invite in for a threesome. Is it a man? A woman? Ideally, it’s someone you’re both attracted to – or at least comfortable with.
Some people prefer picking up strangers at a bar. Others might have more fun by asking a sexually-adventurous friend. You could even check out dating and hookup apps for an interested third!
PRO TIP: When you’ve picked a few prospective sexual partners, get together for a non-sexual activity like dinner or drinks. This will help you test out the group chemistry before the actual threesome.
Step #2: Ask!
There are many ways you can broach the topic of threesomes and gauge your prospective threesome partner/s’ interest: you could casually bring it up in conversation or even send them this article and ask them what they think. It might be a little bit embarrassing or scary at first, but most people will appreciate you being straightforward and honest about your request.
The most important part of this step is to make sure that you do it in private and without putting pressure on the person you’re asking. If they feel comfortable saying no, then you’ll be more confident if they do say yes!
PRO TIP: Read their non-verbal cues. If they look uncomfortable, drop it and move on to another topic. DON’T BE PUSHY, nobody likes the creepy guy/girl who keeps begging others for threesomes.
Step #3: Set The Time And Place
Once you’ve got the participants locked down, it’s time to plan the actual threesome! Find a date and time you’re all free. Give yourselves a few hours to loosen up, do the deed, and maybe even a little cuddling after. You don’t want to rush it, especially if it’s a first-time threesome.
A large, comfy area is a MUST for group sex. If one of you has a roomy bed or spacious living room, all the better. You could also rent out a hotel/motel, but double check to make sure they allow more than two people to a room.
PRO TIP: Setting it on a weekend helps you avoid the morning scramble before work. Plus, you’ll be able to sleep in and cuddle!
Step #4: Have Fun!
Your first time is likely going to be all kinds of awkward, clumsy, fun, special, and wonderful. Don’t expect to have a perfect time; instead, focus on having fun!
PRO TIP: You can drink a little for “liquid courage”, but be careful not to go overboard. Consent, enthusiasm, and communication are all super important during threesomes, and being too drunk can blur a lot of lines. Plus, you don’t want to throw up on your dates, do you!?
How To Protect Your Relationship Before, During, And After A Threesome
Whether you’re a married couple or in a committed relationship, having a threesome with a third person can be a very intimidating step. While threesomes promise a lot of fun, it can bring a lot of pain and jealousy as well. Here’s how you can mitigate the emotional risks and protect your relationship when having a threesome.
Before
Talk about it openly with your partner, and make sure you are both on the same page before you begin. Set clear boundaries, such as what sexual acts are allowed and with who you can do them with. Make sure your partner is 100% onboard and isn’t just agreeing to make you happy – that’s a recipe for disaster.
During
Communicate, communicate, communicate! It’s okay to deviate from the plan and go with the flow, as long as you check in with your partner to make sure they’re alright with it. Be conscious about how much affection and attention you’re giving to the third person, and make sure you’re giving an equal (or bigger) amount to your partner so they don’t feel left out.
After
Talk about what happened – what you enjoyed, what you didn’t, and if either of you had any negative feelings you need to deal with. Acknowledge if you felt jealous or disappointed, but don’t aggressively blame your partner. Take responsibility for your emotions but work through them together. Keep in mind that, even after a threesome, you’re still a team.
Conclusion
Threesomes can be complicated, but they can also be a whole lot of fun. As long as you handle everything with patience, kindness, and compassion, having a threesome should be a breeze, and may even strengthen your relationship!
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