Cassandra Thorburn has revealed that her ex-husband isn’t a “taboo” subject in her household.
WATCH: Cass Thorburn & Annaliese Dent dish on their ‘Divorce Story’ podcast
Speaking on the latest episode of the Divorce Story podcast, Cass made the remark while discussing how to have a civil relationship with an ex when children are involved.
“How important is it to make sure your ex isn’t a taboo subject in the home?” Cass asked her co-host Annaliese Dent and special guest, relationship expert Rachel Voysey.
“Family photos was something I made sure were in the house,” she added.
Rachel responded: “It’s very important for children to not feel like things of their past, chapters of their life, and parts of who they are not being wiped out of their life.”
She then explained it’s important for parents to remember their history is also part of their children’s narrative, which is why someone’s ex shouldn’t be an off-limits topic.
“If it’s triggering you to look at family photos in the early stages, keep them to a minimum and move a few. Try to balance your wellbeing with what’s best for the child,” she added.
“But if you’re doing what’s best for the child and it’s triggering you or taking you to a place where you end up feeling terrible, that’s not great either.
“It’s this balance of looking after yourself and also making sure you do the best thing for the kids at certain stages as they also progress through the journey with you,” Rachel added.
Earlier in the podcast, Cass brought up the subject of having a “third party” when trying to navigate your new relationship with your ex now that you’ve separated.
“Is it better to have a third person involved who acts as a buffer?” Cass asked, before Annaliese added: “And at what point would we need that?”
“I suppose when it becomes quite toxic and the kids are getting pulled in,” Rachel began.
“If it’s becoming quite toxic and children are getting inappropriately dragged into the mess between the parents, that’s when it’s probably time to involve a third-party professional.”
Rachel said one of the most important things to consider is that it’s very healing for children to hear positive things about a parent from their other one – but it has to be genuine.
“There’s no point in saying ‘dad’s the most amazing guy’ when you don’t think it and it’s almost like you can’t get the words out of your mouth,” Rachel said.
“You’ve got to think about the things you really respect, like and admire about [an ex] and, when there are appropriate opportunities, try to mention those things,” she added.
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