A whopping 75% of men orgasm when they have sex. Women aren’t so lucky – only 29% of women say they achieve climax every time.
The female orgasm may not be shrouded in mystery like it once was, but it’s still much more elusive than its male counterpart. Not being able to orgasm is a frustrating experience for women and their partners. Dozens of studies have been conducted to try and come up with a solid answer.
Let’s take a look at the science behind orgasms, the kinds (yes, plural) of orgasms, and how to make a girl orgasm during intercourse.
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What Actually Happens When You Orgasm?
While most women know how to have an orgasm by themselves, a lot of them struggle to get there with a partner. So let’s take a look at the mechanics of the female orgasm so we can get better acquainted with the techniques.
When the vagina or clitoris is stimulated, it causes blood to rush to that particular area. The blood vessels dilate, causing the vagina to puff up and swell. The increase in blood flow also increases your vagina’s sensitivity to stimulation, increasing your pleasure and bringing you closer to orgasm.
The vagina is a muscle that relaxes and contracts when you climax. This has an evolutionary purpose: when a woman is experiencing an orgasm, the movement of the pelvic floor muscles help “suck in” the semen towards the uterus, which improves the chances of getting pregnant.
Orgasm happens at the peak of these pelvic floor muscle contractions. But it’s not just your body doing the work; there’s a lot going on in your brain as well. When you orgasm, your brain releases a ton of hormones into your body: dopamine, the pleasure/desire hormone; oxytocin, the bonding/cuddling hormone; and endorphins, the happy hormone. All of this contributes to that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you orgasm.
What Orgasms Feel Like
Another word used to describe orgasm is “climax”, and that makes a lot of sense considering what orgasms feel like. For most people, orgasms are the peak of sexual excitement and arousal. But what does peaking mean, and how do you know if you’ve had one?
Everybody is different, so it goes without saying that everyone experiences orgasm differently. But while the specifics may vary, people generally agree that you just simply know when you’ve had one.
“It’s an unmistakable feeling of release. Like you’ve been building up to something or holding it in, and now it can freely flow,” says 27-year-old Kimmy.
The feeling of orgasm can range from continuous waves to a sudden explosion of pleasure. Bea, a young artist, describes her orgasms as “toe-curling, eye-fluttering, back-arching. Basically, the best stretch of your life, but times one hundred.”
Others have described it as an altered state of consciousness and trance-like, almost like you’re on drugs. “It’s like synesthesia,” yoga enthusiast Patricia explains. “Sparks of light, exploding and imploding from within. Its hot, fiery energy pulsating through my soul. It’s totally an out of body experience!”
The Different Kinds Of Orgasm
There isn’t an exact consensus on how many types of orgasm there are (we’ve seen some claims that there are up to 11!). But most scientists agree that there are at least two, and perhaps maybe even 4-5 distinct categories.
Vaginal
While a lot of people (especially men) associate orgasms with penetrative sex, vaginal orgasms on their own aren’t as commonplace as you think. In a huge study on the female orgasm conducted in 2017, only 18 percent of women said that vaginal stimulation was enough to have an orgasm.
Clitoral
As far as female orgasms go, clitoral orgasms are the most common. The tiny clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings – that’s double the nerve endings on a penis! In the same study we mentioned earlier, 73% of women reported that they either needed clitoral stimulation to climax or that it better enhanced their orgasms.
Anal
Yes, some women do enjoy anal sex and may even be able to orgasm from it! While women don’t have the pleasurable prostate, there are still many nerve endings that can make it feel pleasurable. Plus, anal stimulation still touches the inner portion of the clitoris and could potentially lead to climax.
G-Spot
The G-spot is inside the vagina, about one or two inches in and then up from the vaginal opening. Stimulating the G-spot can also cause squirting, or female ejaculation – which shouldn’t be confused with an orgasm!
Hybrid/Combination
You can have multiple types of orgasms, especially if you stimulate the clitoris, G-spot, vagina, and/or anus at the same time. These kinds of orgasms tend to “stack” on top of one another and be more intense.
There are also other types of orgasms, such as the fantasy/tantric orgasm. These orgasms don’t necessarily need physical stimulation to happen, leading some researchers to believe that orgasms may also be a function of the brain and not just the body.
Tips For Women: How To Make Yourself Have An Orgasm
If you want to learn how to have an orgasm during sex, we recommend that you learn how to do it on your own first. Masturbation is a great way for you to explore what you like (and find out what you don’t). Plus, if you know what gets you off, you’ll have a much easier time explaining it to your partner.
Here’s how to achieve climax during your solo sexy times:
- Relax. Orgasm isn’t just a physical sensation, it’s a state of mind. Let go of the stress. Meditate, take a warm bath, do whatever you need to do. This will put you in the right mood for an orgasm.
- Start by touching yourself in your non-genital erogenous zones. Give yourself some self-love, and make yourself feel sexy and desirable. Take your time, and don’t rush into penetration until you’re physically and mentally prepared for it.
- When in doubt, focus on the clitoris. Use your hands to gently stimulate the clit. Use a variety of motions until you find the one you like the most – up and down, side-to-side, and circular motions are the most popular.
If you really want a good time, use a toy! Many dildos, vibrators, and external stimulators are specifically designed to unleash powerful orgasms…sometimes one after the other.
- Don’t pressure yourself! Orgasms are fun, but sex and masturbation can be extremely pleasurable without it. When you chase an orgasm, sometimes it makes it harder to achieve. But if you explore yourself for the sake of pleasure, you actually open yourself up to the possibility even more.
Tips For Men: How To Make A Woman Orgasm
Being able to please your partner is one of the greatest skills you can have as a lover. Here’s how you can improve your love-making and give your partner the gift of an orgasm.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate! If you don’t know how to bring her to orgasm, just ask! Many women would be more than glad to show you the ropes.
- Foreplay and oral sex are the keys to a powerful clitoral orgasm. Take your time down there – don’t give it a few licks and call it a day. Spend a good 10 to 15 minutes warming her up. Try different motions, pressures, and speeds at first. But once you get a rhythm going, keep to the movement she likes the most.
- When a girl is about to orgasm, that isn’t your cue to go faster or change things up. You’re obviously doing something right, so keep doing it until she climaxes!
Conclusion
When women orgasm significantly less than their male partners, we’re sending a signal that female pleasure isn’t as important as male pleasure. But if more women speak up and take charge of their sexuality, the ‘orgasm gap’ will slowly but surely close up.
RELATED: Mum, 29, tells: ‘I had an orgasmic birth and this is what it’s REALLY like’
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