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Whether you’ve just gotten out of a long-term relationship and want to enjoy singlehood, having casual sex is a fun way to have your needs met with no strings attached. And it is mighty important that you get your sexual needs met from time to time. Going through a dry spell, as it turns out it, isn’t good for your body either!
But how does one go about hooking up with strangers, and are there rules to engaging in casual sex? Let’s break it down.
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What Is Casual Sex?
Casual sex is when you hook up with someone outside of the context of dating or being in a relationship. Usually, hookup culture entails finding people to meet up with for the sole purpose of having a fling or one night stand, whether through an app or in person.
Hookup culture used to be frowned upon by mainstream society when conservative values ruled and most people had marriage in their long-term goals. However, a lot has changed over the past couple of decades.
Sex-positivity has reached its peak. The feminist-led counterculture was born in the ‘60s when women began working to destigmatise sex. Today, women continue to push back against the double-standards imposed on men and women when it comes to sex. Slut-shaming is now looked down upon, and the notion that only men can enjoy casual sex is getting old.
What Are The Benefits Of Casual Sex?
With the advancements in technology, hooking up is as easy and as a swipe right on your phone. And for some people, it’s become an addiction. The benefits of casual sex have become a point of contention, as some have cited hookup culture as a contributor to mental health issues (especially when done through dating apps), while others believe that casual sex can inspire a self-esteem boost and help some people relieve stress.
It has also been pointed out that a lot of women aren’t getting enough orgasms and are feeling unsatisfied with hookup culture, pointing to sub-par performance from male partners who prioritise personal pleasure over their partners. This is a symptom of a larger issue of men still not respecting women enough as sexual partners.
Casual sex isn’t inherently good or bad. What’s vital is knowing why you’re choosing to engage in casual sex and who you choose to have sex with.
Who’s Having The Most Casual Sex?
According to a recent survey, while about half of Australians have admitted to having sex for the first time between the ages of 15 and 18, it turns out that men (39 percent) are still more likely to have engaged in casual sex than women (19 percent).
As for which regions are enjoying the most casual sex, another survey revealed that Sydney is the city with the highest sex drive in all of Australia. Meanwhile, Canberra was found to have the most number of people who have had sex with a colleague (57 percent).
How To Have Casual Sex
You’ll find a lot of writing out there on unspoken rules you should follow during a hookup. A woman also wrote a “should-we-bone” checklist for anyone who’s on the fence about whether hooking up with a prospect is a good idea. All these guides are fantastic for when you’re already in the moment, but how does one get there in the first place?
Use An App or Website
The most obvious, and arguably most convenient, place to meet people for casual sex and dating is through an app.
You’ll probably find more people willing to hook up on Tinder and Grindr (if you’re gay) than on any other dating app; they are by far the most popular dating apps not just in Australia but worldwide. Meanwhile, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish are sites where you’ll probably find more folks who are looking for more serious relationships.
For those who are afraid of catfishing, you can try Zoosk. The paid version requires users to undergo a strict verification process that requires them to enter a video selfie revealing all angles.
According to users on Reddit and other message boards, you can also turn to sites like Coffee Meets Bagel, Meetup.com, and OKCupid, as well as online communities like Tumblr.
Hit The Club
Sure, it’ll take more time and effort to get dressed, head out, find a club, scope out prospective hookups, and seal the deal, but many will agree that nothing beats kicking it old school. You’ll have more opportunities to dial up your charm and see if you’ve got good chemistry with the person you’re interested in. Those are two things that might not translate through apps and websites.
Casual Sex and Dating Ads
Craigslist used to be the go-to place for casual hookups. Since 1995, people have been using the personal ads feature of the site to find anything, from roommates to flings. Sadly, Craigslist took down the site’s casual sex ads in 2018.
You can also meet people through Reddit. Simply look up the Reddit communities for your cities. So type up r/, then either Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide, Sydney, or wherever else you are.
Can You Have A ‘Casual Sex Relationship’?
Otherwise known as “friends with benefits”, casual sex relationships usually come with no strings attached. This means that your relationship is almost entirely focused on sex.
It’s definitely possible to have a casual sex relationship with someone, as long as you establish certain ground rules and have a lot of trust between each other. What are the common rules? For one, you have to make sure you leave your feelings at the door, especially if one or both parties establish that they don’t want anything romantic at the moment.
How To Be Safe When Hooking Up
Thought Catalog has a great list of 11 rules for Smart, Safe and Sexy hook-ups. Here are a few of our tips to help you ensure you have a safe and fun time:
Consent Is Key
Remember: No means no and yes means yes. Do not ever assume that silence from your partner means they want to proceed and do not ignore verbal and non-verbal cues to stop or pause.
Establish Rules And Expectations
If there’s anything you aren’t comfortable doing, tell your partner right away.
Use Protection
Avoid STIs and unwanted pregnancies by always using a condom. Even if you’re on PrEP or the pill, a condom is still the best form of protection.
Avoid Getting Smashed
Alcohol lowers inhibitions and impairs judgment, and when you’re hooking up with a stranger, this can lead to a lot of dangerous situations. Do not put yourself at risk by engaging in casual sex while you or your partner is too drunk to make appropriate calls.
Have An Exit Strategy
In case anything sketchy happens, it’s good to have an exit strategy, and that includes letting a friend know exactly where you are and having them on speed dial in case you need rescuing. If you feel any trouble brewing, call a friend to pick you up.
Conclusion
Casual sex is fun, but you also need to be in the right headspace to engage. Read up on the rules, follow your instincts, and keep safe.
RELATED: Why The ‘Picnic Approach’ Is The Key To Good Sex
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