Relationships aren’t all sunshine and roses. Sometimes, you and your partner will get into really heated fights; whether it’s about differences of opinion, a disagreement about the future, or one of you doing something terrible to the other.
The best couples sit down and try to work through these problems with communication, but that doesn’t always succeed. When things fail, it may be time to learn how to break up with someone.
So how exactly do you do that?
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How To Break Up With Someone?
Breaking up with someone you love should only happen after much thought, after exhausting every possible option and solution to address the problem.
And when it does happen, the way you break up should be private and respectful, with a sincere explanation as to why you’re doing this.
Finally – and this really should go without saying – in nearly all cases, the break up should be done in person, not over the phone, text, or social media.
When To Break Up
A break up should never come out of the blue. It should always come after trying your best to solve the problem and having an open dialogue with your partner about how you feel. You might find that your partner isn’t as willing to end the relationship as you and they could be taken by surprise.
Should A Break Up Always Be In Person?
Break ups are extremely intimate and potentially devastating encounters, and no one ever walks away from a break up unscathed. It’s important to have a break up in person so that you show that you’re sincere about making things as painless as possible.
You might be considering breaking up via a text message because it’s the easiest way, and you won’t have to deal with your partner’s emotions after.
However, break up texts and social media break up messages are viewed with almost universal distaste. They’re seen as cowardly, disrespectful and impersonal, and they show that you don’t care about the relationship or the person you’re breaking up with. This is especially true if you’re in a long term relationship, and it’s ESPECIALLY TRUE if it’s marriage break up.
A break up letter or a break up poem might sound more romantic and bittersweet, but they suffer from the same problem that texts and messages do: You’re not giving your partner a chance to react or air their grievances. It’s the equivalent of saying, “This is how I feel, you should listen to me. I don’t care enough about how you feel to listen to you.”
When Is It Okay To Break Up Over Text?
There are two main exceptions to this rule of always breaking up in person.
The first is if you’re in a long-distance relationship. Because of the obvious limits, it’s fine to break up over the phone or Internet using the method of communication that you normally use. But to make things right, you should try to go for a phone or video call, or at the very least allow your partner to respond to your message before you make a final decision.
The second is if you have a toxic relationship with your partner and seeing them in person is unhealthy for both of you. In this situation, it may be best for the two of you to be apart when you break up.
The Best Way To Break Up With Someone
When you’ve exhausted all your options, your only goal should be to break up with someone as nicely as possible, and not make it any more difficult than it should be.
Where To Do It
First, choose where you’ll have the break up.
It’s best to choose a private place to allow the two of you to react without feeling embarrassed or pressured. This can be at your partner’s home, so you can leave after all is said and done. However, if you’re leaving a toxic relationship and you’re opting to do it in person, then consider a public space, or have a friend with you just in case something goes wrong.
How Exactly To Say It
When you’re finally at your chosen location, just say outright that you want to end the relationship. If you want tips for the right words to say, here’s an example of what you can say:
“We’ve been trying to solve this problem, but it just hasn’t been working. I think it’s best that we break up.”
This statement acknowledges the effort put into repairing the relationship while underlining the fact that it’s not been working out.
Keep in mind that’s important to say “break up” or “end this relationship.” Don’t say “Go our separate ways” or anything ambiguous – you need to make it understood that the relationship is over.
Explaining Yourself
After your intro, explain why you want to break up to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Share how you feel, acknowledge the steps you both took to fix the relationship, and don’t play the blame game. It’s important that both of you feel that you did everything you could to make things work, or else you end up overthinking what went wrong.
Don’t Back Down
Finally, it’s absolutely essential to stick to your guns and stay broken-up after you say your piece. A sad, pleading response can definitely be hard to say no to, but you’ve already made a decision that you thought long and hard about, and you can’t allow your emotions to sway you in the heat of the moment.
Even if they promise to ‘do better’ or ‘change’, you should proceed with the break up; these things should have been part of the steps you both took to repair the relationship before it got to this point!
Things To Do After The Breakup
After your break up, emotions will be raw and there’s a good chance that your whole life will be affected in some way, so it’s important that you prepare yourself pronto.
Tell your friends and family as soon as you can so that no one is taken by surprise, and so that you get your support system working immediately.
Allow yourself to feel pain, and even cry if you need to, but don’t wallow in your misery and self-pity. Spend time with friends, go travel, enjoy your hobbies, and try working out. Catch yourself before you fall into something worse like substance abuse.
If you broke up with someone you live with, you should have a timeline for when either of you move out. The longer you stay together after breaking up, the more it hurts.
Looking Ahead
Make sure that you take the time to assess your feelings after your break up and really rethink any second-guessing you might have. The feelings of loneliness and isolation after the break up might make you want to get back together. If you truly do want to rekindle the relationship, it has to be because you genuinely want things to work out with your partner, not just because you feel sad and lonely.
If you find yourself falling for someone new shortly after the break up, you should also take the time to think about whether you truly want this new boy or girl, or are just filling the void left by your partner. There’s a very good reason why rebounds aren’t recommended.
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