Beauty and the Geek week two baby. It is much the same as last week but with more violence.
Heads up, I get on my high horse early in this recap and you CANNOT make me get down.
Onwards!
WATCH BELOW: Jayden and Aimee kiss during a Beauty And The Geek challenge
If you missed the previous recap, check it out here.
Sunday
We jump straight into the action this episode with umm house calls?
Sam and Angelique are chillin’ while Batman Mike goes to visit Heidi.
He gives Heidi some flowers and tells this woman he’s known for all of five minutes that it’s time she meets his grandmother. Heidi seems surprised by this but it’s a television show so she does it. It’s very chaotic and confusing.
Next the geeks and gals head off to the airfield where Sophie Monk tells them that today’s challenge is flying a plane. Everyone takes a moment to wonder which of the several declarations they signed before coming on the show covers death by plane crash.
She reassures them it won’t be a real plane, just a simulation.
First up, Emily and Jason. Emily is an air hostess and she’s dated some pilots before so “this will be a walk in the park.”
It’s not: Emily and Jason make an emergency crash landing.
Aimee and Jason commit an act of virtual terrorism and take out several homes as they attempt to land.
After that, we have our first dose of insane producer-fed lines for the week, when Karly is asked “Where does the pilot sit in the plane?”
“A cockpit, pit of cocks!” Karly answers. Come on Karly, there’s kids watching. And geeks.
Luckily Aaron is a natural in the challenge! It turns out many of the call signs for aircraft are similar to trains. Aaron has saved Karly in two challenges now and still insists she’s doing a good job.
Read next: Beauty and the Geek star Sophie reveals who’s the nicest contestant on the show.
Despite their chemistry, Sam and Angelique struggle with the challenge. Why? Because Angelique is a chaos demon who doesn’t listen to instructions. I support it.
Unsurprisingly, most couples crash except for tonight’s ‘A-plot’, Michael and Tara, who win the challenge and a date.
The show shamelessly continues to act as if the geeks are at all involved in the planning of these dates, as Michael takes Tara to ‘indoor skydiving’.
If you ask me, indoor is the only way you should skydive.
Michael says “HE chose this date” (producer got a gun to your back, Michael?) because “Tara has always wanted to skydive, but is afraid of planes.” Well that makes me question how they won the last challenge but anyway.
They are both ecstatic for the date and appear to have a whale of a time – but afterwards, things don’t quite go the way Tara hoped.
Tara keeps saying she wants Michael to kiss her – not to Michael, no no, to the camera and the producer sitting next to the camera. CC everyone but Mike.
The date ends without a kiss.
Monk decides that this means some of the geeks are bad at reading ‘the signs,’ so she holds a ‘reading the signs’ class’ to help them.
To be honest the class should have just been called : ‘Basic Human Conversation 101.’
As far as I’m concerned, trying to read ‘the signs’ is such an outdated concept and flies in the face of everything we’ve been told about clear and enthusiastic consent.
I don’t have a fun acronym like Monk did in her class but here’s my class: if you want someone to kiss you, ask them. That’s it. End of lesson. Go home, you’ve earned an early mark.
Moving on, it’s elimination time again.
Monk says Anthony and Tegan are once again in the bottom two. It doesn’t make sense to anyone watching, the producers just like to pretend a fan favourite might go home. Spoilers: they won’t.
Angelique and Sam are (unsurprisingly) also called forward for elimination.
We watch them cram before the exam and find out that Anthony’s favourite artist is the Spice Girls. I don’t understand the Harry Potter obsession, but this, I get.
Angelique is asked what game Sam plays, she answers incorrectly despite Sam telling her the answer two seconds again. See above: not listening, chaos energy.In the end Tegan and Anthony win meaning Sam and Angelique are heading home. Angie gives a sweet goodbye speech and they head on their way.
This is the end of Sam and Angelique’s time on Beauty and the Geek and probably their relationship TBH.
Monday
It’s makeover Monday and there’s dogs in today’s episode (they’re not getting the makeover).
We open with Tara and Michael hanging out. Tara’s still not being honest with Michael about what she wants but at least it seems like Michael is on the same wavelength.
In a confessional, Michael says he wants to kiss Tara but needs to wait for another date because everything that happens outside of dates is meaningless, apparently?
Today’s challenge is dog agility. Everyone is excited for the dog except for Aaron who is terrified.
Aimee explains the challenge to the audience, “Agility means balance so I think we have to balance the dogs on something.” Nailed it.
Monk announces that the prize for today’s challenge is a date and everyone loses their mind like it isn’t the same prize every time. There’s also a makeover up for grabs.
Sophie and Alex are first up and we’ll get to see them do their whole challenge, which means they’ll probably be eliminated.
Sophie is very confident she can do this challenge, but Jack the dog couldn’t give a rat’s what Sophie wants and decides to do his own thing.
Next up, Aaron is very nervous.
You see, there’s two parts to this challenge, one person has to be with the dog while the other commentates. Because this is TV, Karly, the one who loves dogs, is commentating. While Aaron, the one who doesn’t, is nervously holding a rambunctious border collie.
Anyway, they crush it because they’re Aaron and Karly and they’re probs going to win this thing.
Chris and Bri also do exceptionally well. Chris commentates like he’s done this before, which he has, for Yu-Gi-Oh matches. I don’t know how that translates to dog agility but it’s working. He wins the makeover.
Mike and Heidi get all cute during their challenge, it’s gross. We watch the whole thing through a heart filter because that’s how Mike sees Heidi.
I wish for death. They win the date.
“We’ve been waiting for this since day one” says Heidi about Mike who she was paired with on the third episode.
At 19, Heidi has never actually been on a date before. “Most guys just send me inappropriate texts,” she says. Mood.
Mike takes her to a fine dining establishment and they slow dance. They end their dance with a kiss. It’s cute and disgusting at the same time.
WATCH BELOW: Mike and Heidi kiss
In another part of the city, Yu-Gi-Oh champ Chris is getting the makeover. Jeff Lack decided to not come into the office today, so he appears over Zoom. “Sorry champ, waiting for a parcel, can’t come in today!” type vibes.
Embodying almost everyone on the planet, Chris explains why he’s never got into fashion – where the hell do you start?
Unlike with Mike’s makeover, Jeff actually gives Chris good advice on how to pick clothing. He says using your eye colour is an easy way to find clothes in colours that suit you.
Meanwhile, everyone is gathered at HQ to see Chris’ reveal. Anthony suggests they give Chris an earring, a suggestion I support.
Aaron decides to strike up a conversation with flight attendant Emily. He’s way more comfortable with her than he was with the border collie. They quickly fall into a pretty deep conversation and Emily reveals, “I hate myself like half the time.”
Aaron helps Emily open up and talk about her insecurities and she leaves the conversation with more confidence and self love. We stan.
Finally, we see Chris’ transformation. He looks good, but I was disappointed that they took away pretty much anything that made him an individual. A little Pokémon pin wouldn’t have ruined the look.
Bri tears up and Chris is very overwhelmed. He cannot stop smiling.
Of course, there is still the elimination to get through. Predictably Alex and Sophie are called forward, so are Emily and Jason. Alex, Sophie, Emily and Jason are really tight so it’s awful to see them up against each other.
It’s a close match but eventually Emily and Jason win. It’s the first elimination that also made me tear up.
Tuesday
Finally, the most interesting challenge of the competition, beating the crap out of each other!
In this episode we’re going medieval so they change up the intro to be like Game of Thrones. The title card says Sophie Monk will be playing a character called Queen Spunk and sorry, but do they know what that word means nowadays?
For today’s challenge, the teams “will don a full suit of armour and have to battle it out with sword and shield.”
The couples will enter the ring with a professional knight (and surely part-time Uber driver, because that cannot be a 9-5 gig? ) and whoever is the most inspiring or something wins the date.
Aaron is once again fully out of his comfort zone, it turns out violence isn’t exactly in the wheelhouse of a mild-mannered train driver. Doesn’t matter because Karly goes full pit-bull and dominates the match.
Anthony is stoked to be here and teaches Tegan a battle cry. They jump into the ring shouting their heads off and the producers use this time to make fun of Anthony’s speech impediment. Bullying, how fun!
Michael wants to use the day to win another date with Tara, as a viewer I don’t want this but it’s gonna happen.
The pair manage to pummel their knight and win their match. At the end, the crowd peer pressures them into kissing. The producers would like us to think it was another missed moment but unfortunately Nine had already shown the kiss in a commercial, so while we don’t see it during the episode, they did kiss.
Monk awards Michael and Tara a date so they can go off and pretend to have their first kiss again.
1WATCH BELOW: Michael and Tara kiss
Next they participate in a healing circle. Perhaps Monk had some inside intel because Bri uses the space to talk about her previous relationship and the miscarriage she had.
It’s an important conversation and I am really glad they’re discussing it on national TV. No jokes.
On their cork and canvas date, Michael and Tara are also getting deep and personal. Tara tells Michael he seems very emotionally intelligent, which I think is just the absolute baseline of how humans should behave, but clearly she’s met very different people from me.
They kiss and get paint everywhere. Adorable stuff.
We round off the episode with a nail biting elimination quiz between Emily and Jason (again) and Aimee and Jayden. As much as I don’t want to see my favourite uncomfortable geek go home, Jason really needs that makeover.
2In the end we say goodbye to Aimee and Jayden.
Wednesday
Endemol Shine seem determined to make every reality show they create into Married at First Sight so today’s episode is home visits.
First up, Aaron heads to Karly’s studio to try his hand at being a hairdresser. If I was going to a blow-out bar, I would just love to have my hair done by a random dude for a TV show. Not.
Aaron channels his inner Jonathan Van Ness and actually does a wonderful job. So good in fact that I’m calling it; Aaron is a fake geek. He has consistently nailed every challenge regardless of his insecurities. It’s all an act, I’m convinced. Can he even drive a train?
Meanwhile, Jason is in hell. I don’t mean Emily’s home town of Nowra (Monk already made that joke), but the hospitality kind. Jason is visiting the pub Emily’s parents own, and has been forced into working as a waiter for the day.
A ‘customer’ decides to quiz Jason on how alcohol free wine is made. If I was Jason I would’ve told her “google it, mate”. But Jason is polite and makes something up instead. It’s a totally unnatural interaction. Me-thinks producer meddling is at play.
3Emily’s mum sits down with Jason to completely dish on her daughter. I don’t think I’d appreciate my mother telling a stranger my insecurities but here we are.
Apparently Emily has had a rough time dealing with bullies. The geeks are always surprised when they find out the beauties were bullied at school. Kids are awful, they bully everyone. Legit, show me someone who’s never been bullied.
In Tegan’s world of dancing, Anthony is having the best time. He’s stoked. It’s the best part of this entire episode.
Michael takes Tara to a party, at his own house. Tara seems surprised that Michael doesn’t live in a palace. Instead he lives in a dodgy looking share house.
Tara rolls her eyes like the state of the house says something about Michael and not the systemic problems with the current investor dominated housing market.
Back in Nowra, Jason wants to help Emily “come out of her shell” or something. He does so by calling her up to perform in front of the patrons at the pub. Thankfully it’s like 10 am on Tuesday so there’s only a handful of people there to witness Emily’s atrocious singing. That’s not shade, the girl admits to being tone-deaf. She has fun so that’s all that matters.
We get a glimpse of Bri playing Yu-Gi-Oh with Chris but don’t get the full scene which is disappointing. It would have been nice to see one of the beauties enter the proper geek world, not just Karly driving model trains (because we know Aaron is a fake geek).
4
Finally, Mike is visiting Heidi’s farm. Heidi’s dad and brother are all-caps MEN, you know, not these weak geeky ‘men’. They ask Mike what his intentions are with Heidi, it’s gross and uncomfortable.
All in all, everyone seems to have a lovely time on their home visits (except Mike). Next week, we’re back to normal programming. More eliminations, more makeovers, more awkward dates. Fun for everyone.
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