Oliver Christen’s mum was still cross-country skiing at age 82. She used to walk for two hours every day and gardened for three. She loved spending time with her family and living independently.
But, from her career as a doctor, and having seen what had happened to her own ageing parents and husband, she knew there came a point where all this stopped.
And that was not for her.
“She didn’t want to be in hospital or go to a nursing home. She didn’t want to miss the moment to make the decision she wanted to go,” Oliver, 59, tells New Idea.
As she turned 85, and heart problems put her at risk of fainting and falling, she felt that moment approaching.
“Watering her garden and cooking was getting too much, she collapsed in a supermarket and was picked up by a stranger and she hated that,” Oliver, who moved from Australia to live near his mum in Switzerland, says.
Oliver’s mum, who he has chosen not to name, lost the strength to enjoy all the things which gave her joy. Given previous conversations, Oliver wasn’t surprised when she told him she was considering assisted dying.
“I understood her reasoning and supported her choice, which was important to her,” he explains.
Further discussion led her to looking at other options and the family discovered VSED (voluntary stopping eating and drinking). This is a legal end-of-life choice in both Australia and Switzerland, where a mentally competent adult decides to stop consuming food and fluid to cause death.
Extensive research gave them the understanding that it would take seven to 21 days and was a painless, gentle process.
“It sounds like starvation but it’s a natural process – as your body starts to wind down, it doesn’t need to eat,” Oliver explains. “Already mum never felt hungry.”
Following talks with her doctor and Oliver’s agreement to be with her throughout, his mum started VSED on January 17, 2025.
“I realised I didn’t need to do anything, just be present,” Oliver says, explaining they spent hours poring through photo albums and listening to her stories, as well as visits from her grandchildren and phone calls with friends she’d not spoken to in years.
“It was a special bonding time,” he says, adding he had support from his family and a death doula.
“It was a process of letting go, a gentle journey with no suffering,” he says. “She expressed every day how grateful she was to have chosen this.”
Ironically, her only frustration was that it was taking so long, but after 21 days had passed and she was still there, Oliver says they let go of the “when” too.
On day 24, his mother slipped away. Oliver had initially given her space, knowing people often pass when they are alone, but he says he felt called back and was holding her hand as she took her last breath.
“I was really privileged to be with her,” he says, describing the aftermath as completely different to the experience of his dad’s death, years before, in hospital.
“There was never a day of sadness [after Mum’s death]. She had exactly her wish and she was at peace, and I was at peace having witnessed that,” he says.
In the following months he had no intention of writing about what happened, but everyone he spoke to wanted to know more, for themselves or their parents.
“I saw it could make a difference to so many people who have fear about the end of life,” Oliver says about his memoir, As She Chose.
“It’s about death but also about life,” he explains. “Having a choice and being clear about your death allows you to be more present in the now. You don’t have to worry about the future. You can live more fully all the way to the end.
“I’d recommend people have these conversations – it’s really not scary. Death is just a part of life, like birth is.”
As She Chose
from $34.99 at Amazon
As She Chose by Oliver Christen (Animara Press, $34.99) is out now.
