Beauty and the Geek has returned to our screens for 2022 and the first week has already been nuts.
To keep up with all the fun, New Idea will be delivering weekly recaps. So, without further ado, let’s dive in.
WATCH BELOW: Meet the cast of Beauty And The Geek 2022
Sunday
It’s Beauty and the Geek army camp.
We’re introduced to our geeks, by detailing their various body malfunctions – classy! Train enthusiast Aaron needs a nasal spray to calm his nerves, while martial arts expert Jayden tells us how the tank he rode in on made him vomit.
Aaah Geeks, they’re so fun and so kooky!
Then the nerds finally rendezvous with the beauties – in a random field somewhere in the Hunter Valley – where they’re greeted by Australia’s third-most-oversaturated TV show host (behind Osher Gunsberg and Sonia Kruger), Sophie Monk. The catch-up is short lived as Monk has the geeks marched off to be summarily executed for crimes against fashion or a briefing or something. Most likely the latter but still – could be death!
Okay fine it was just a verbal grilling. The geeks cop a right spray from Sophie while the beauties watch from another room. They “coo” at appropriate moments and hairdresser Karly announces that Aaron is “hers”. Relax, Karly, they’re not in demand!
Next, the beauties have to run an obstacle course with a full-sized doll that they’re told is a metaphor for how they’re “going to carry their geek through the competition.”
Children’s entertainer Michael gets upset that the beauties keep chucking their dolls around – he prefers the way Tara seductively impales hers on a fence. Love is in the air.
Afterwards, Monk tells the geeks that one of them has to step up and ask a beauty out. It’s all very high school.
Then, in a moment that was definitely not pre-planned, Harry Potter fanatic Anthony asks out dancer Tegan. Their weird date involves riding segways and drinking unappealing tea.
Meanwhile, Karly decides to pay Aaron a visit. He proudly hands her a train that he never lets anyone touch. Some bonkers editor decides to blur the train to imply Aaron’s holding something other than a miniature steam locomotive. Fun and kooky!
Note this now for safe-keeping: Jayden is uncomfortable with this situation – this, we’ll soon discover, will be a running theme for Jayden.
Finally, the geeks and gals head to a 70s themed mixer. Tara decides to use the mixer to reveal what she does for a living, she’s a mermaid
Michael is very impressed.
Sophie chooses her first pairings. Karly gets her geek Aaron. Anthony and Tegan are kept together after a successful date and Michael is paired with Tara. Presumably, the others are happy too but they don’t get much screen time.
Monday
The first challenge of the ‘experience’ (everyone is careful to call it an ‘experience’ not a competition, I don’t know why).
The pairs have to perform a stunt scene allegedly written by Sophie. One scene is a fight scene, the other is a romance scene. Sophie seems to think these are comparable.
The romance scene takes place on a train and culminates with the pair jumping over fire. The only couple we see do the entire scene is Tara and Michael.
The other scene is a fight ending with the beauties pushing the geeks through a wall of crates. Flight attendant Emily gets a bit too into it and throws Jayden past the protective mat he’s supposed to land on.
Yu-Gi-Oh champ Christopher and ex-NRL cheerleader Bri adlib their scene and win despite it not being an improv challenge. Their prize is a date that we don’t get to see because we don’t care about them
Instead we see everyone get ready for tonight’s mixer – it’s animal themed.
Jayden is uncomfortable because he can’t tell what animal he’s supposed to be – he thinks he’s a meerkat, trainee nurse Aimee suggests he’s a pikachu. The correct answer is cat, he’s clearly supposed to be a Siamese cat.
Gamer Sam and beauty Angelique have a private catch up. They discover they’re both weird – what a plot twist.
Angelique calls Sam her “best friend”, and we are painfully reminded that she’s only 19.
The mixer happens and it’s hosted by DJ S-Monk (budget cuts!?). The geeks remark that if “they’d known clubbing was like this they’d go more often.”
Guys, clubbing is not at all like this, the place doesn’t stink of BO and vodka and there are no gross dudes feeling up every woman they pass.
Jayden uses the mixer to chat to Aimee, they get along well. Bookworm Alex takes a chance chatting to aspiring Prime Minister Sophie (not Monk). He tells her she could “walk down a runway right now”.
But all we really care about is what kind of animal she’s supposed to be. Is it a pigeon? A koala? A moth? Ask her that, Alex!
At the end of the mixer, Sophie Monk decides to mix up some of the pairings. Jayden with Aimee, Alex with Sophie and some other people are put together but they haven’t been introduced to us so we don’t care about them.
Tuesday
This is the make it fashurrrn episode.
The pairs must style and pose for a ‘high end’ fashion shoot. The beauties spend some time doing the worst makeup possible on their geeks. We can’t tell if this was intentional or not.
Aaron and Karly pose with a bunch of mirror balls. Karly persuades Aaron to take his shirt off because “nudity is art” or something. Admittedly, the final product looks great.
Things also get spicy for newly paired Aimee and Jayden. Aimee suggests they kiss, Jayden is uncomfortable with this but agrees. They win the challenge and get to go on a date.
Jayden uses the date to teach Aimee some martial arts, he then rounds off this super romantic time by projecting his insecurities onto her.
He says he felt it was disrespectful if her were to kiss her when they’d only just met, even though it was Aimee’s idea to kiss. Whatever, the patriarchy stands and they agree to ‘take it slow’.
Next, we’re at a Western themed party and Aaron decides to show Karly how much he cares by performing a line dance with the other geeks. For a guy who couldn’t even talk to women two days ago it’s suspiciously impressive.
Meanwhile, Sam is worried he’ll get re-coupled (re-coupling is a thing on this show, clearly) despite the fact that he and Angelique haven’t left each other’s side since the beginning of the competition – or, “experience” as they’re insisting on calling it.
He comes in geekishly hot, telling Angelique he’s worried that he’ll never see her again. He uses this time to tell Angelique how he really feels.
Angelique gives some lukewarm response about how they’re “best friends but maybe could be something more.” Sam asks to kiss her and she does not say yes. They kiss anyway.
WATCH BELOW: Sam and Angelique kiss on Beauty And The Geek
Sophie Monk makes her final pairings. Batman fan Mike is re-coupled with waitress Heidi (more on them next episode) and other people also get re-coupled.
Wednesday
It’s the final episode of the week and it promises to be a big one. This episode will have the first makeover of the season and the first elimination.
In today’s challenge the pairs have to deliver the news bulletin on Channel Nine’s Today Extra program. I’ve never heard of the show but apparently “two million people” watch it (those numbers are definitely goosed), so the contestants are suitably nervous.
Sidenote: it should be called “More Today” as there’s nothing really “Extra” about it.
The women dominate this challenge, Aimee performs the most dynamic finance report I’ve ever seen and future PM Sophie delivers the weather report in fluent Mandarin.
There are a few hiccups: Angelique completely botches Australian Geography 101, placing Tasmania somewhere in the Simpson Desert. And, when asked what ‘index funds’ are, Tegan says they’re “when you get money from an ATM with your index finger.”
She would have been kicking herself later on, when she used her index finger to Google it on her phone.
Aaron and Karly work well together, divvying up the teleprompter script between them. Mike also swoops in to save his new partner Heidi when she freezes. This impresses Today Extra (More Today) host Brit, who awards a date to Aaron and Karly and a makeover to Mike.
For their date, Aaron takes Karly to the wildlife park. Karly loves this and uses the time to tell him every animal fact she knows.
Meanwhile, Heidi is allowed to come for the first part of Mike’s makeover (they’re usually top secret) to help with fashion suggestions. She’s known Mike for all of three seconds but is completely comfortable ripping his wardrobe to shreds. Even stylist Jeff Lack is taken aback (that rhymes).
Once Heidi is sent away the REAL makeover begins. Mike makes a big fuss about losing his beard, which is all a lie. His Instagram shows the scraggly beard is a new edition and not his normal look. Very suss.
Back at the loft, or whatever they’re calling the geek cave – we’ll go with geek cave – the other contestants are preparing to see Mike’s ‘transformation’.
Karly tells the beauties about her date and repeats the trivia that “koalas have chlamydia” about three or four times. Sexy.
Mike comes out of the elevator and he’s had a hair cut, surprise! Heidi is ecstatic. But the show is running out of time so we cut abruptly to the elimination.
More fake surprises are in store as favourites Anthony and Tegan are pitted against anime fan Nate and Miss Universe Finalist Daniella. We know Nate and Dani are going home before it’s even announced because it’s the first time the show has even acknowledged Nate’s existence.
Hi Nate and Dani, bye Nate and Dani!
Next week: more makeovers, more eliminations and more weird editing choices!
