Are you looking to improve your sex life, but too shy to ask how? Instead of turning to ChatGPT and other AI bots, our experts have got the juiciest answers you’ve been searching for!
About 1.9 million Australian adults are using ChatGPT for health-related questions, according to We-Vibe. While modern tech can be a useful tool when it comes to sexual pleasure, the adult brand’s Verena Singmann reckons that AI can’t compare when it comes to the human touch.
“AI doesn’t always know best when it comes to our sexual health and wellbeing … we also need to be careful with cultural bias where AI cannot always discern between common beliefs and personal advice,” she says.
“When it comes to intimacy, we want people to have reliable, evidence-based information they can trust to propel their relationships forward.”
Luckily, Womanizer sex & relationship expert Alice Child and We-Vibe sex & relationship expert Cam Fraser are here to answer the dirtiest questions you’ve got! But first, check out our top 5 pleasure toys on the market to experience the sex life you deserve.
The top 5 tools for your sex life
01
Best for: Couples and solo play
Think you’ve already had the best orgasm of your life? Or maybe you’re still searching for it. Either way, Tracy Cox’s super-slick orgasm gel might have you reaching heights of pleasure you’ve never experienced before!
Simply rub a small blob of the non-greasy formula into your clitoris, labia or penis and prepare to have your toes curling. Results may vary.
Best for: Couples play
Now, how’s this for the next date night? The shared delight of this gift bundle is the perfect opportunity for you and your partner to really get down and intimate!
Included in the pack: a Slim Nova 2 rabbit vibrator with a posable shaft and flexible clitoral stimulator, along with a Firm Pivot vibrating cock ring that stretches to fit around most penis sizes. The best part? They’re app-controlled, so you can simply sit back and relax!
03
Best for: Couples play
As the great Taylor Swift once said, “lovers roll the dice, angels roll their eyes…” and we’re taking that literally!
This trio of sexy dice is perfect for some fun foreplay to get things heated and the sparks flowing. It’s also perfect for when you want to get creative and try something different, but are scrambling for ideas.
04
Best for: Couples and solo play
Whether you’re trying it out with the help of a partner or you’re going in solo, this trusty clitoral suction stimulator is always welcome to the party.
With 14 intensity levels and air technology that uses contactless stimulation to wow the sensitive nerves, you’d think this bad boy couldn’t get any better – but it does! Enjoy the waterproof toy in the shower or bath without having to worry about damaging it.
05
We-Vibe Jive App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator
$119.95 (down from $189) at lovehoney.com.au
Best for: Couples and solo play
This app-controlled vibrator is fantastic for when you’re having some solo time, but gets especially steamy with a partner!
Simply hand over the controls to your lover and let them choose how your pleasure unfolds. With 10 vibration patterns to choose from, they’ll have you reaching climax in no time.
Top 10 sex advice tips and recommendations from the “sexperts”
1. How can I improve my sex life?
Well, first of all, Alice suggests you get yourself educated! When it comes to sex, good lovers are made, not born.
“Go out and learn as much as you can about sex, pleasure, communication, and bodies … find the resources that work for you.”
Some resources you might consider include podcasts, books, online courses, workshops, or seeing a couple’s counsellor or sexologist. One thing Alice urges you to remember; Porn is not a substitute for sex education!
The concept of ‘good sex’ manifests itself in different ways for different people, according to Alice, so it’s important to learn what you like on your own first through self-pleasure, sex toys, fantasy, and self-discovery.
“Broaden your vocabulary when it comes to your own boundaries and desires, so you can also talk openly about sex with partners and ask for what you like,” she says. “Be really explicit and clear in your communication with each other – ask for what you want, be descriptive, and learn together.”
2. What are the best ways to increase sexual pleasure for myself and my partner?
When Cam gets asked this particular question, he loves to emphasise that it’s more about presence, connection, and deepening your awareness of sensation.
For example, he suggests starting out by exploring your own body through self-pleasure and focusing on how different types of touch feel rather than just trying to reach orgasm or ejaculation.
“Then try this with a partner – shift the focus from trying to have an orgasm to fully experiencing the moment together,” Cam says. “Explore their body, make eye contact, breathe together, and lead with curiosity.”
3. How do I communicate my desires and boundaries in the bedroom?
Cam always recommends starting the conversation about desires and boundaries outside the bedroom, rather than in. This can help normalise discussion about sex and pleasure without building any pressure or expectations from those involved.
“Have conversations about what excites you, what you’re curious about, and what feels good when you’re eating breakfast or going on a walk together,” he suggests. “Keep things positively framed and pleasure-oriented. By this, I mean saying something like, ‘I love having sex with you and want us to keep exploring together. I’d love to try…’”
This, he adds, can be received very differently from saying something like, ‘I don’t like the sex we’re having, and I want you to stop doing…’
4. What are some new things to try in bed to keep things exciting?
If your sex life has become a little habitual or routine, then don’t worry! Alice has come bearing gifts, with some ideas on how to add more newness, excitement, and fun between the sheets.
First of all, she recommends taking a look at what’s already working. Ask yourself and your partner, what makes that so hot?
“Arousal so often starts in the brain, so dive deeper underneath the hood so you can bring that erotic theme to life in new ways,” Alice says.
One of her favourite activities to recommend to clients is sensual play, as it builds a lot of anticipation, tension, and arousal through new sensations and types of touch.
“The simple act of ‘setting the scene’ – such as lighting a candle, putting on music – can be so helpful for getting people out of their head and into the moment,” she notes.
“Also, introducing a blindfold is so simple, but so effective … When we remove the sense of sight, we can often feel more.”
It can increase tension, help you stay present, and is a fantastic opportunity to play around with power dynamics, stepping into a more dominant or submissive energy.
And lastly, sex toys! Toys are part of the team, says Alice, and not your competition.
“They add variety, new sensations, playfulness, creativity, and naughtiness back into your play,” she adds.
5. How can I last longer during sex?
Now, ladies, this is a question likely better suited towards any male counterparts, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to stay informed! Remember, there’s no “I” in team! According to Cam, there are three main ways to last longer during sex:
1. “Alleviate the physical tightness you have when being sexual by slowing down, relaxing your muscles, breathing deeply, and focusing on other parts of your body that experience pleasure.”
2. “Alleviate the psychological anxiety you have when being sexual by not worrying about whether you ejaculate quickly and approach sex in a fun, playful manner,r regardless of what it looks like.”
3. “Alleviate the relational tension you have when being sexual by finding ways to explore pleasure with your partner that don’t involve stimulation of your penis, making pleasure and connection the priority, not simply lasting longer. As I say to my clients who struggle with this, if you’re having bad sex for 30 seconds and you simply learn how to last longer, you’ll just end up having bad sex for 3 minutes.”
6. What are the best ways to increase libido naturally?
When it comes to naturally boosting your libido, Alice encourages you to try starting outside of the bedroom.
“Think about the times in your life when you felt most confidently, authentically, happily yourself, and think about what was going on during that time of your life,” she says. “Reflect on lifestyle factors (e.g. where you’re living, who you’re spending time with, how you’re moving your body and your diet), mental and emotional factors (e.g. mental health, self-confidence, and body image), and physical factors (e.g. physical health, sleep and medication).”
Also, reflect on the times you did enjoy sex and were turned on – this can help you understand what excites and what doesn’t. From there, Alice suggests you consider starting a daily pleasure practice to get back in touch with your body and your sexual accelerators.
“Masturbation and turning on your mind can be a really helpful libido reset,” she says.
7. How do I overcome sexual performance anxiety?
Sex, especially the lead-up to it, can at times feel quite overwhelming. Pressure and expectation lead to performance anxiety, says Cam.
“This could be the pressure to last a certain amount of time, to provide a certain number of orgasms, or to have sex that looks a certain way,” he says. “The truth is, good sex isn’t about performance, it’s about pleasure. So, rather than focusing on what sex looks like, shift your focus to what sex feels like.”
For instance, think about how your partner’s skin feels, how your breath travels through your body, and how the arousal builds up.
“Mindful breathing, relaxation techniques, and slowing down during self-pleasure can help rewire your nervous system to associate sex with ease rather than stress,” Cam explains. “If anxiety is deeply ingrained, take time to reflect on where it’s coming from, such as past experiences, or unrealistic expectations, and see if you can let go of these, with support from a health practitioner or professional.”
8. What are the most common turn-ons and turn-offs for men and women?
There’s a whole world of different fantasies and desires a person can have. From what Cam has learned from conversations with clients, most people are turned on by confidence, presence, and genuine connection.
In terms of turn-offs, he’s mostly heard from people that it was caused by feeling rushed, sensing hesitation, or a lack of enthusiasm.
“If you’re curious about what turns your partner on or off, ask them and find ways to explore that with them with curiosity, openness, and playfulness,” he suggests. “At the end of the day, I think sex should be fun and enjoyable, so if you’re able to create opportunities for that, you’re doing something right.”
9. Is my sexual preference or fantasy normal?
Yes! Human sexuality is broad and diverse, Alice says, and there is no such thing as ‘normal’.
“Many people worry about this, but the truth is that human eroticism is broad and complex, and your fantasy or kink is much more common than you think,” she says.
“If sharing your sexual preference or fantasy, so long as it’s shared between enthusiastically consenting and fully informed adults, and it isn’t negatively impacting your life, mental and physical health and safety in any way, there is no harm done.”
10. How can I build more emotional and physical intimacy in my relationship?
One of the first things Alice talks about with couples is their ‘love languages’ – helping them understand what they each need to feel emotionally and physically connected outside of the bedroom.
Love languages can be and often will be different for each person, so learning how to speak each other’s love languages can make for all the more enjoyment and comfort.
“Don’t just wait until you’re having or just about to have sex to connect intimately, because then you’ll never want to,” Alice warns. “Feelings of desire and arousal take the right headspace and context to build.”
Sex doesn‘t have to be spontaneous, either! When life gets busy with kids, work, and everything in between, intimacy doesn’t usually happen unless we schedule time for meaningful connection.
