Losing someone we love is always devastating, and trying to navigate it with young children makes it even harder.
When my beautiful dad passed away, I was heartbroken. Even though we had time to prepare, it still felt like such a shock when the time came.
One of the hardest parts was breaking the news to my kids. I will never forget the look on Lola’s face when I told her, and she collapsed into my arms sobbing.
They were so close, and I knew it would be a long journey for her to come to terms with her life without him.
The importance of transparency
Some great advice I received early on was to not try and hide my grief from the kids. It was important for them to see me in all my messy grief, and for them to know that there is no shame in expressing our emotions.
Although we want to protect our children and shield them from upsetting situations, we decided it was important to involve them all in the journey.
They were included in most of the decisions and discussions and had a role at his funeral if they wanted – with a backup plan if they decided not to participate at the last minute.
Working through sadness
The big questions from them have often been hard to answer, but I’m so glad that they have felt comfortable talking to Matt and me about them.
Death is never an easy topic, but sadly it’s a part of life, and so it’s important that they can talk about it.
For our younger children, expressing their emotions through drawings and writing letters has been helpful, whereas for the older kids, it can be more complicated. Spending time alone with them was important and encouraged them to open up.
Alby was only one when Poppy passed away, but now at four, he speaks as though he knows him so well.
It has been healing for us to laugh at memories and have photos around to keep Poppy alive.
We talk about him every day and it makes us feel close to him still. My biggest fear was that the children would forget him, and they wouldn’t remember just how special he was, but I now realise that could never happen.
