If someone asked you what you really want from your life right now, would there be an uncomfortable pause before you answered?
Many of us feel unclear about what we really want or are afraid to express our wildest desires just in case they never get fulfilled. The key is discovering what you want to change, and then working out the right actions to make it so you can achieve the results you want.
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Listen to your dreams
Dreams, ambitions, and fantasies are there for a reason, so don’t ignore them – they indicate what excites you in life. You might not need or be able to take them all literally, but recreating the essence can be a boost. Y
our dream might just be learning Pilates or doing some walking, but thinking you’ll never fit it in, or not having a friend to do it with, means it has never happened. Or maybe you entertain big dreams, such as one day living abroad?
Whatever the case, there’s always a first small step, such as checking a website to find some facts, or asking a friend if they want to go walking too. You’ll then see the way to the next stage.
A useful exercise is “future projection”. Imagine yourself in the scenario you dream of, picture every detail, and see how it feels.
Considering moving further out of town but torn between more home for your money and a longer commute? Think through every aspect. What will the gains and losses be? If it feels positive, maybe it’s right for you. This is different from creative visualisation, where you try to imagine positive images.
Find your hidden talents
Now that you know what you want and why you want it, you’re going to need strategies to help you to get it. Use your full skill set: it’s great to know what you want to do, but you can also do what you know.
You are already a huge resource. You have skills that have got you where you are today. If you ask a great cook how they make a dish, they may say, well, I take a bit of this and some of that, put it together, and bake it in a hot oven. But you are none the wiser.
However, if you ask them to retrace their steps and stop at each ingredient along the way, you are likely to discover their success strategy. To create your own success strategy, take yourself back to the moment you decided to do the thing that has given you your greatest success to date.
Write down each step you took to get there. Do you remember what led you to decide that you must take action? Perhaps it was a thought such as, “Enough is enough – I have to do this!”
Perhaps you’d been suffering from back pain and knew that a Pilates class would really help. Go back to that thought and write it down. What was your objective?
After the initial thought, you almost certainly created the desired result in your mind. You knew exactly what you wanted and you were determined to achieve it. Maybe you wanted to strengthen your back and avoid pain.
In order to achieve your outcome, there will always be a strategy.
What are your real ambitions?
1. Make a list of three ‘burning desires’
For example, financial independence, losing 10 kg, spending a holiday with family, having a new relationship, or making time to rediscover an old passion such as painting.
2. For every item on the list, ask yourself:
“What would this give me?” You may think it could bring you calm, peace, confidence, better health, a soulmate, quality time with your children, or a sense of fulfillment from being creative.
3. Now ask yourself: “What do I have to do to make this happen within 12 months?”
Write down everything you need to start doing to make it happen. If they are big things, such as learning a new skill or applying for a new job, break them down.
For example, finding out about a course or companies you’d like to work for. Similarly, joining a good dating agency needs time set aside for research. Other steps, such as cutting out alcohol and bread, or allocating time to spend with your kids or just for yourself, just need a start date.
What excites you?
To tune in to what really inspires you, there are two ideas to try. The first is to take notice of how you feel when friends tell you about a new hobby or project they’re working on. What makes you perk up, listen, and ask questions? Maybe you’d like to try something similar.
The second is to think back to what you loved doing as a child or teenager, from dancing, painting, and swimming to horse riding.
Remembering what you loved doing then is a way to tap into the real essence of you. Why not try these activities again now, as an adult?
