It’s a question those who are in a long term relationship ponder from time to time – just how to keep the spark alive in the bedroom.
Well, according to Australian sex expert and ‘relationship whisperer’ Jacqueline Hellyer it could be time to take the ‘picnic approach’ to lovemaking.
Jacqueline, whose blog Lovelife is full of helpful relationship tips, says the standard approach to sex is like a ‘three course meal’ but it’s a model that gets boring over time.
‘You kiss a bit, fondle a bit (maybe give her an orgasm), then have vigorous intercourse until he comes. The End,’ Jacqueline says.
Which is why the expert has coined a brand new term for Australians hoping for a better sex life – the ‘picnic approach’.
‘I suggest you approach sex more like a picnic, with everything available at once and you pick and choose whatever you want in whatever quantity and in whatever order you please,’ Jacqueline advises.
‘So at a picnic you can have dips-quiche-pavlova if you like, but you don’t have to.
‘You can just have dips, you can go straight to the pavlova, you can go quiche-dips-dips-quiche-pavlova-quiche-dips-pavlova.
‘You don’t even have to eat - you can just sit and drink champagne, you’re still having a picnic.’
According to the relationship coach and educator, it’s the same with sex.
‘You can do whatever you like, in whatever order you like, at whatever pace you like, in whatever quantities you like,’ she says.
‘You can intersperse bouts of intercourse with bouts of oral or other genital stimulation.
‘You can stop and have a cup of tea and chat before resuming; you can get up and have a dance; you can read some erotica to each other; you don’t have to have intercourse; you don’t have to have an orgasm; you can stay in orgasmic states; you don’t have to stop when he comes - he doesn’t even have to come.’
Making love this way, Jacqueline says, means getting into a ‘gorgeous flow of experience’.
‘There is no ‘right’ way or ‘wrong’ way of making love in this model. It’s simply whatever evolves for that couple at that point in time,’ Jacqueline says.
‘With this approach the age or physical capability of the couple doesn’t matter. All you need is the ability to connect and flow with the moment. ’