Let me take you through you my morning. I lost my car keys. I couldn’t get the kids out of the house because I had no car keys. I lost my mind because I couldn't get the kids out of the house with no car keys. The keys turned up in a box with 2947920 Barbies. No-one owned up to hiding the keys in the Barbie box and the neighbours dog got the blame.
When I write it like that, it doesn’t sound that bad, but trust me, it was.
My neighbours have probably re-named me the Crazy Lady At Number 16 when they heard me ranting “I know Barbie and the dog did not take my keys!” But after the storm had subsided and Malibu Barbie (and the dog) were released without charge, I started to think about just how much this poor dog puts up with. And he's not even ours...
There was the time we looked after him when our neighbours were away and I lost my Invisalign (the plastic braces that make your teeth straight). When I couldn't find my brace and I saw the dog chewing on something in the corner of the lounge, I assumed he’d eaten it. Panic set in. Deep, dark panic that can only be caused by thinking your neighbours' dog is going to die because he ate your mouth brace.
I hauled him into the car and we raced him to the vets for an x-ray, (googling Dog + Eaten + Invisalign on the way) practising the conversation I would have with my neighbours about the demise of their dog thanks to a plastic mouth guard.
But no, after I’d given the vet $250 he told me (while chuckling) that there was no sign of the Invisalign in the dog’s tummy so he must have buried it, or not taken it at all . And while that was good news for the dog (and the vet), it was a dark day for me and my bank account. And my teeth.
The vet also told me that he was good friends with my neighbours so rather than let him tell them how I put their dog through an x-ray and a traumatising trip to the vets, I had to confess much to their amusement and my embarrassment. And I have still never found that brace.
Hmmm, maybe I should start questioning Malibu Barbie again…
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