How Do You Ask Questions?
As funny as that sounds, it isn’t a rhetorical question. There are specific things you can do during your date while asking questions to really get the ball rolling. Here are some tips for a good first date conversation.
Lean Slightly Forward With An Open Stance
Your posture and body language while talking will telegraph how you feel at first glance. You want to lean very slightly forward to show that you’re interested, but not so much that you’re slouching. Avoid crossing your arms or turning away, which can show that you’re guarded.
Mirror Their Emotions
Whenever your date is telling a story, express whatever they’re feeling and react accordingly. If you are genuinely interested, then this should come naturally to you!
Give Reflective Responses
Every once in a while, repeat the gist of what they’ve just said as though you’re reflecting it back to them. You can open with phrases like “So let me get this straight…” or “You’re telling me that...” This exercise shows that you’re listening and also helps you comprehend any story your date is telling. It’ll also help break any tension that they might be experiencing about whether you’re interested in their story.
Probe Gently, Don’t Go Too Far Too Fast
No one wants to be interrogated. You want to learn about your date at a natural pace over the course of normal conversation. Asking too quickly and too eagerly can lead to them becoming nervous and clamming up, so follow etiquette and don’t push too hard.
The Best First Date Questions
Now that you’ve got the right moves, here are the best questions to ask on a first date.
1. What do you do?
This sounds like a boring opening question, but knowing what someone does for a living is an essential jumping-off point for further discussion. From here, you get an understanding of their specialization, their goals and ambitions...just make sure to listen carefully.
2. What books have you read lately?
The kind of books that someone’s into can play a huge role in their personality. Someone who loves science fiction and fantasy might be very different from someone who loves autobiographies and business books.
3. What TV shows are you following?
If you don’t know what to talk about on a first date, common interests are always a good place to start. If you find a common TV show that you guys are both following, it’s a great opportunity to share your thoughts!
4. What are your current passion projects?
Notice a pattern in all the interests-driven questions? Interests and hobbies aren’t shallow topics; they talk about passions, what drives you when you’re not working to pay the bills.
5. What’s an average day in your life like?
This isn’t just about their job anymore. Here, you want to know what your date does, not just does for a living. Following on from #4, this is one of the good questions to ask a guy or girl who has a really interesting answer to the passion project question, as it will reveal how much effort and dedication they put into their project.
6. What are your best friends like?
You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep! Ask this question if they have a story to tell that involves their friends. You’ll get insight into the people they hold dear, which can be very helpful if this relationship goes the distance.
7. What annoys you?
This is one of the great things to ask if your date is visibly perturbed by something going on around them. From here, you can bond by ranting at each other.
8. What makes you laugh?
This is a great question to ask a girl! A sense of humour is a huge part of the attraction in any relationship and figuring out where you guys match early on will only help you get closer.
9. What’s your biggest dream?
While this might seem a little too forward-looking for a first date conversation, it’s important to figure out whether your partner’s dreams are compatible with your own. This question is also an excellent way to explore what motivates your date.
10. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
There’s nothing like sharing vulnerable moments to get your date to open up. Just make sure that you’re willing to offer a good story too when they’re done telling theirs.
11. What’s your guilty pleasure?
Everyone starts off by sharing their most interesting high-brow interests, but the real fun begins when the discussion turns to really cheesy soap operas and disaster flicks with sub-20% RottenTomatoes scores.
12. What’s your greatest fear?
Sharing your fears is one of the best ways to get your date to open up. Note that this one can be hard for anyone to answer. Your date could be ashamed of their fear, or the fear could be something that runs deep, like a fear of failure or of letting people down. Tread carefully with how you respond to them opening up to you, but don’t shy away from asking, as this can be very rewarding.
13. Do you prefer planning your life or going where the wind takes you?
One of the most ‘binary’ personality traits is that of being someone who plans versus someone who goes with their guts – oftentimes you’re either one or the other with no middle ground. Their answer will say a lot about how you’ll be interacting in the future.
While these are great questions to break the ice, they’re just there to help you get started. The most important advice from here on out is to enjoy yourself and the company of your date. If you have chemistry, everything will flow naturally!