Em Rusciano has revealed that she suffered a miscarriage and says she will “take some time off” from her work commitments.
“About 10 weeks ago I got the most wondrous surprise. I found out I was pregnant,” the 2Day FM radio host told her 250,000 Facebook fans.
“I was going to announce it this Monday as we’d hit 13 weeks, but instead I will be at home in the most exquisite pain I can possibly fathom. Yesterday I found out that my little boy, was lost to me,” she wrote.
“I’d only just seen my baby the week before on the ultrasound, kicking and waving. I’d heard his heart beat and began to imagine what type of person he’d become. What colour hair he’d have, I wondered if he’d be serious like his dad or ridiculous like his mother, or perhaps a little bit of both.
“But now, all I have is that one grainy black and white image, and the rest I will have to imagine. I’m not sure I’m built to withstand this kind of heartbreak, I’m not sure any mother is.
We named him Ray, it was Scotty’s suggestion.”
Rusciano revealed she was unable to leave her bedroom following the devastating news.
“A lot of you know exactly what I’m going through, this kind of loss isn’t uncommon and yet it feels entirely unique to me. I think you are all heroic for continuing on, I’ve been in the same pair of pyjamas since yesterday, crying a seemingly endless supply of tears and can’t imagine ever leaving my bedroom again.
“So I’m going to take some time off the radio, off performing, off social media, off life. Not for too long, but I need some time. I know you’ll all understand.
“I was worried about the impact me being away from my radio show for a few weeks would have, we’re only new and have so much to do, but I’d be useless on air. The truth is I don’t feel very funny or entertaining at the moment, I feel like screaming and smashing things with a baseball bat Beyonce Lemonade style.
“What’s happened with Ray feels big and raw and something I need to honour and be in the middle of. I’m not going to avoid it or lock it away and power on as if nothing has happened, which I’m prone to doing. I have to get this right so that I can somehow feel whole again, or a version of that. I know that this will forever change me in small and big ways.”
Rusciano, 38, has two children, Marchella, 15, and Odette, 10, with her husband Scott Barrow.
This article originally published by WHO.